Reaping the Harvest

The whirlwind has continued--- post sierra contact improv festival I've been to burning man black rock city, bhakti fest in joshua tree, my parents' home, oakland, mendocino rejuvenation fest, no yo gardens, earthdance vallejo, and up to the hills of southern oregon. 

How many hippies does it take to count from seven to eight?

The movement from the complexity of seven spinning chakras to the eight of perfection, infinity, completion, wholeness,

and back again: transformation, cataclysm, peace, upheaval, stillness, stillness? stillness

Last year at burning man my experience there was like the "ultimate derive." Impossible to make plans or dates, I cast myself out on the playa and was drawn into the currents of art cars, hare krishna dances, monkey chants, conversations, fluctuations... the flow of curiosity and tempting vortexes. 

This year I had a very different experience. I still think that burning man is the ultimate derive, but my appreciation of the term has expanded. Last year I was wide-eyed, excited about CHANCE and surrender. But Debord says, too, that "Chance is a less important factor in this activity than one might think: from a dérive point of view cities have psychogeographical contours, with constant currents, fixed points and vortexes that strongly discourage entry into or exit from certain zones." Of course I was open to flow again at Burning Man, but I now have a better sense of this strange and brilliant world we live in... I can now sense intuitively what kinds of spaces feel good and what spaces don't. And so I felt myself less lost and swirling than last year, because I only allowed myself to be drawn into yummy spaces. Gaining knowledge this past year of my own psychology allowed me to merge more gracefully with the psychogeography of the playa. I took stock of the workshops offered, where and when favorite dj's were playing, where my friends were camped, etc. and took charge of my experience rather than allowing the experience to happen through or beside me. Of course my plans never really went as I had expected, but if I made an intention to see a certain DJ it would happen, perhaps just on top of a dodecahedron frog instead of at the fractal nation stage. I find my best dancing (and best living) comes when I am guided by awareness of attention, switching between hard focus on a fixed point to soft focus, which envelops what is directly in front of me as well as my periphery. 

Burning Man is an ultra-condensed version of our world and offers great (accelerated!) insight into our current nature, gifts, and challenges. I feel that this different approach to the derive very much describes where I am at this point in life. I cast myself out upon the winds of chance last year in complete uncertainty and surrender and received amazing gifts. Now I have a better idea of what is available and I am choosing my path, choosing how to make my derive-life-dance the most instructive, ecstatic, and of service that it can be with the tools available to me. 

Knowledge and options are made possible through friends and social networks, and after a west coast sweep of blissful independence, I am really feeling into the substance of dependence and community: that is, love (loyalty, vulnerability, co-creation, companionship).

I have always had friends in a lot of different social groups, was always opposed to "cliquishness" and rather prided myself on my adaptability, my shapeshiftiness. And while that means belonging to myriad social dimensions, it also means not totally belonging to any one. Traveling suits the part of me that is always escaping from one dimension to the next, skimming the surface of many different places, many different ways of being. 

After a summer of moving around about every four days, I've been grounded at a farm for the past three weeks with the group of magicians, clowns, fire spinners, and musicians that I lived with at the Divine Playground in Costa Rica. When I first arrived I was overwhelmed with joy to be beatboxing and contact dancing in the field with my epic jedi tribe, and then found myself confused as over the next week my joy dwindled and my mind took over with old stories of confusion, self-doubt, and feelings of not belonging (and even not wanting to belong?) Do the signals mean that this is really not my tribe, or is it just an escapist habit?

I feel incredible overwhelming gratitude for this tribe, for the inspiring stories and magic that this group of hitchiking spirit-guided bliss agents has inspired in me. And I am opening myself up to deeper and deeper friendships in general, including following up on the dear friendships of my past, with friends who now flow in different communities (law school, radical faeryland, heideggerian clouds, etc.). I feel it is part of my path to flow between and merge different forms of knowledge,  different communities. That means maintaining a certain level of independence, and also opening myself completely to love (the loyalty and devotion of a big white dog) with all the rainbow-mottled types of friends. 

My harvest this fall is reaping summer friendships into a graceful, tumble-and-fall-into-the-safe unknown-type flow. I am so ready to go deep, real, strong. I am stoked to put our strengths together and build this new reality. 

Beloved Kundalini Rising, Elegance Evolving, and the Bliss of Boundaries

Strangely disoriented after a weekend of ultimate bliss....

I find myself at a hot springs in the Sierras, about to embark on a 5 day contact improv festival. I woke up this morning at the happy buddha in mount shasta, got coffee at the stagedoor where I encountered an evolutionary astrologer. His look at my chart confirmed a lot that I already know-- (I am a soul worker--- healing souls through interface with the physical body, I learn most from embracing the unknown....)  and also reminded me of my tendency towards extremes- with my sun right on the aries/pisces cusp I contain both the very beginning and the very end of the evolutionary cycle.

Beloved (sacred arts and music festival in Oregon) was amazing... the unity of a single stage, bright neo-tribal beings dancing their souls to African energy, kirtan, sacred dub, gospel music, and more... friends from the divine playground in costa rica... sacred clowning... ease... magic chocolate.... the spirits of plants dancing amongst us and within us...

Beloved gave me the opportunity to delve deeper into my relationship with white light, yeshua, the prince of peace. One of my intentions before the festival was to explore "the elegance of boundaries." I had originally intended this to mean boundaries of physical intimacy, and my relationship with yeshua was certainly served by withholding mental and emotional energy from those matters. What I did not expect is that I was able to channel the sacred energy of the space to reach deep deep meditative states, which allowed for an exploration of the boundaries between the astral and the physical planes. Music and meditation brought me out of my body, transcending any physical needs (warmth, bladder).... and I would originally feel shocked and kind of disgusted to have to get back into my  physical body. But by listening in and taking these transitions slowly, I was able to wake up my body from the root on up, experiencing an ecstatic star magic zap sparkle kundalini awakening like I didn't know was possible. Instead of being my usual energetic and social self on the dance floor (enlightening everyone up), I used my shawl like a monk over my head and went into a cocoon to solo explore the snake's movement within me. And wow did it move me.

Tuning in exclusively to myself allowed me such deep communion with spirit and music... and yet now I come off of that to find myself surrounded by the opposite extreme... a contact improv festival in the  Sierras. Funny, how spirit works. How we flow through periods of absolute ease towards challenge and transformation (and these are the best times because they make us stronger!) When I first found contact improv it was so healing because I craved the unconditional loving touch and affection that it provided, but now I am less needy and enjoy it for other reasons... for the flying, the listening, the surrender. This week will be an exploration of how I can take the lessons I learned about dance at Beloved--- channeling energy on a solo journey--- and evolve them to suit this form of dance, which is all about engaging with an other(s). Must I release the boundaries I have worked to establish? How will these boundaries evolve?

I was at first hesitant to accept the Prince of Peace because I thought it meant renouncing other things (the hindu pantheon of deities, tarot cards, sex, witchy things). Beloved taught me that the white light is expansive, it does not live exclusively within Jesus but also within buddha and saraswati, dance and plants and chocolate... because it is not a thing, it is a state of awareness, and it is our attitude or addictions towards these things that can make them into barriers towards white light. I know that, of course, touch and love towards other humans are some of the dearest expressions of this white light, and I'm curious to use this festival space to explore that this week. Surrendering to the dance.

Life can seem so complicated, but always so simple when we bring it back, magnetically, effortlessly, to love.

Unexpected Transformations in the Mystic Playground

After fasting on water and herbal tea for three days on the farm outside Ashland, I adopted rejuvenation as the word of the hour and headed into town to make friends, dance, and journey up to Mystic Garden Gathering. Set up camp right next to magical Lake Selmac and found myself in heartbliss with an ever-expanding family of angels and musicians.

Wandering around the festival, I'm beckoned into the Spirit Dream tent, and sit down in a chair surrounded by three women lavishing my ears, eyes, and soul with praise and protection. "Where do you want to start?" "The color yellow," I respond, and soon every fiber of my being is filled up with yellow light, which becomes lighter and fuller until its white light, the Prince of Peace, Yeshua... truth and integrity filling me up. "How does it feel?" "Easy. Good. Safe." "Good. Just relax, just surrender, and allow this white light to bubble up within you." Yes, relax, surrender... and suddenly I'm singing. I'm banishing toxic build-up and foreign entities from my being. The process continues for over an hour until finally I lie down, filled with peace and... really?....yes...with... Jesus. 

What does all this mean? I'm a bit scared but really open to the work that's happening within me. Discovering now that these upper psychic realms of consciousness are more complex than I had originally imagined. It's not a straight shot up towards God... once you become open to this psychic plane there are lots of different types of energies that beckon to you, that try convincing you that theirs is the one right way. How to trust and surrender while retaining sensitivity and boundaries? 

My uncertainties about this experience put me in a state of confusion that left me wide open to both dark and light energies treading the battlefield of my higher consciousness. I had experienced such a deep surrender that I let all my boundaries drop, and all the confidence and independence that I've been cultivating on this solo journey was unexpectedly shattered-- leaving me an emotional wreck of solitude, self-pity, and fear of rejection. I felt all these emotions, cried and purged... and yet through it all I also maintained an attitude of witnessing, knowing that all the pain I was feeling was necessary for my healing journey.

Since then I've been especially attuned to the environments and people around me. Whereas for a while I was riding the high easy bliss waves, sharing my positive vibes with all beings... I find myself much warier now to make eye contact with everybody, to allow my protective bubble to be poked by needy, parasitical, or foreign energies. Confusion continuously arises, and I just stop, withdraw, and ask the Prince of Peace to guide me in the right direction. I feel like I'm withdrawing from the normal world to an ascetic extreme. Alcohol and pot are totally unappealing. The prince of peace craves only pure water, sunlight, and clarity.

How long will this last? I am afraid to give up that Dionysian energy forever, but am assured by my angels that this abstention will only lead to greater ecstasy. Or perhaps these evolutions will come in waves, rising and falling? 

After Mystic, I spent a couple of magical days at Heart Lake in Mount Shasta, swimming, hiking at the top of the world and singing heartsongs with new friends. I asked Yeshua about my next step and was called to reconnect with family family, so I've journeyed down to Malibu to spend time with mom, dad, brothers, and the pacific ocean. The return reassures me that I'm on the right path, that I have learned a lot from the tribe, and that I have much wisdom to share with all those in Babylon.... but all in good time, slowly, softly. 

We start the white wind wavecycle tomorrow: breath, spirit, the unseen, communication. Hopefully this energy will balance out Mercury going retrograde!

Riding the waves up and down and all around...

Rainbow musings, safety nets, and discipline

that feeling of being on a precipice and never knowing what is going to happen next is becoming more and more........... normal
in fact the precipice has lost its edges and flowered into mossy curvaliciousness. marigolds! roses! goats! kale! the flow feels safer (much!) than any commitment.

"So, where are you now?"
"I'm here, right now"

"Tribe, tribe, tribe." Hawaii tribe, west coast tribe, tribal dancing, musician tribe, healer tribe tribe tribe.
Right, so what does tribe mean?
Case 1: Rainbow Tribe.
YES! The national rainbow gathering in Washington invited querying (digging deeper deeper) into the meaning of this word, tribe. After hiking 4 miles into the gathering-- geared-up, sweating, and singing-- I collapsed at Dreem Reality/ Camp Aloha-- a camp of sunlight and precious vibes (Hawaii tribe, heartsong tribe). Set up camp, chowed down on almond butter and broccoli, and then wandered out into the great wide world of Rainbow.... wandering through the slush forest into the skunk cabbage meadows, onwards to the food circle of thousands gathered with their blisswear (so many variations on a bowl and spoon!). I found myself unable to maintain a connection with a single person for longer than a couple moments, distracted by the drums, beans, "loving you!", sunlight rippling...thousands of diverse rebellious energies colliding in one space...
I found myself overwhelmed. Searching for a calm spot, for some coffee (this isn't coffee, its MUD!!), for safety.
Lots of crust punks, anarchists, street kids. "Random pocket trade! random pocket trade!" I never took them up on it.
I found myself judgmental of people, attached to spirit or attached to substance? What is my rainbow love? How far does it extend. "Loving you, loving you!" a refrain that sometimes sounds super genuine and sometimes, eek, like a catcall...

On the fourth of july tradition holds that everyone is silent until dawn to noon, when they gather in the main meadow and hold hands for a giant om of prayer for worldwide love and peace.
Some respected the silence, many didn't. People were scattered eating donuts, dancing around the totem pole, asking for pocket trades. I felt disappointed, and found refuge in my inner silence.
I sat at a main thoroughfare and watched the diverse rainbows pass by.. some intent on their next destination, some involved in conversation with their friends, some involved in their own minds, and some who looked at me then looked away, and some who looked at me and returned my smile, even came over to hug, to talk.
 When I hug my friend Deerheart, I see rainbow spirols of light spinning around us. He told me I'm not the only one.

And so I found myself spending most of my time at Aloha, the sweet camp tucked away at the back of rainbow where we take turns singing heartsongs all night around the fire, cultivating high vibrations.
And I found myself wondering how we can extend this safe yummy love outwards to all, or if there are some souls that will not rise up...?

A year ago I never would have imagined myself using words like this... judging that some humans are more evolved than others, wanting to initiate others onto my own path. I would have found this kind of talk elitist and weird and cultish.

But I see the members of this tribe creating their reality! Working hard to create beautiful surroundings, art, and abundance in harmony with pachamama and with their own soul path.

I got sick at rainbow with parasites and then with a cold, and so I took off on the 5th to a space of solitude and harmony, where my soul would not be so worried and prone to the multitude of different realities... back to the bubble. And what a perfect bubble I've found! Goats again, gardens, a farm house up in the southern oregon hills to rest my body and learn to play guitar! I love the feeling of calluses developing on my fingertips, and the feeling of discipline and work. Aho to the beginning of a long journey towards musicianship!

Because I belong in a tribe of musicians. Music is taming these wild impulses and appetites within us and transmuting them into love, elegance, beauty, expression. This is the path I walk. I am a baby on this path that requires discipline, surrender, flow, and of course, play.

I find sometimes fears arising... like, maybe Luna and Ian don't want me to stay on their land anymore... maybe I am overstaying my welcome, I need to work harder, maybe I should go somewhere I know is secure...
And of course these fears are ridiculous. I am loved and I return that love, so I will never lack a secure home. I have nothing to fear in this tribe.

I have no plans and I feel no precipice.... I feel calm, soothed and taming the guitar strings bit by bit... ready for what the universe offers up next.

And for now I like this bubble. Keeping safe and yummy and healthy. Keeping within what I feel is my tribe.

Witch Tribe, Spirit Tribe, Tribe of Love and Light

I am still very much a child on this journey of self-love, presence, and clarity....

and yet I feel already that so much growth has happened through these lessons,

so much that the feeling of novelty and revelation that comes with breaking down blockages (opening! lightening!) disappears.... and I find myself re-learning the same lessons without that mystifying emotional release, re-learning the teachings of the father-master, to follow the way the only way the tao.... the surrender to total presence and serenity.

Learning to love the discipline as much as the revelation.

The discipline of purity.

I am growing into my goddess self. Blessed to sink my hands into pachamama soil and sort out roots, soak up her fertility and energy of the terrestrial core. To let spirit shine through me.

And I am growing into my witch self! I perceive the world through a web of symbols (astrology, Mayan calendar, tarot deck, etc.), a subtle veil of magic that reveals (and conceals?) reality. I bless my crystals, roots, and water with the full moon and solstice sun... and then welcome that aligned energy into my being.

***shwhooooooahhhh haha hey-ah hey***

Lelz once commented to me that he's glad I haven't joined a cult (yet). And yet I most certainly have. Reading Ram Dass today, he talks about his time at Harvard when he, Timothy Leary, and a few other adventurers started experimenting with psychedelics and through these experiences grew estranged from the rest of the faculty, grew into a mini-cult that supported its members in heightened awareness. He embraces this word, cult, as simply a group of people with a set of shared beliefs.

The word on our tongues these days is "tribe." I remember I first encountered the word in this context when Eliot was working on his psytrance thesis last year, and both of us felt its use was like cultural appropriation, westerners taking what does not belong to them and claiming it as their own. Because traditionally, what is a tribe? A contained group of people with an ancient lineage that live and work together, who share the same culture and beliefs. And what does it mean to take this word and apply it to our contemporary experience of a post (post) modern globalized world?
I believe it is to breathe new spirit into this word, into our lives and communities. To believe that I am surrounded by family every where I wander. I have so many mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers. To surrender my individuality to a set of shared beliefs and vocabulary.
So I embrace this word and yet am still learning its meaning. Because a tribe finds their unity in their separateness from the rest of humanity who do not share the same beliefs. So what are the limits of my tribe? Of course I recognize those who share beliefs of living close to the earth, of healing, flow, of living guided by the heart rather than by fear. Yet I look at my own birth family, at dear friends from my past phases of life, at Guatemalan natives, and millions of others who do not share many of my beliefs. And it confuses me to say: they are not my tribe. Because I love them and they are sharing in this magical human experience. They are also evolving towards light, in a different way. But the tribe must have limits in order to retain its unity. To remain a tribe.
What are these boundaries? Is it my role to initiate and spread the gospel? How do I live in this world observing the pain of those who are not aligned with the earth and the cosmos? In my observation of this pain am I forgetting respect and lapsing into judgment?
Peaceful ruminations on a summer evening.... questions that remain questions, embracing the space of uncertainty which vitalizes our existence.
Yes.

In the geographic and event-based world, I left No-Yo Gardens yesterday to leap and fall into summertime flow. I am grateful to spend a few days in Cobb Mountain surrounded by tribe, brother healers and musicians in a safe and comfortable sanctuary in the woods. Appreciating the stillness before the rainbow dancing whirlwind of festival-land ahead! 

Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu. May all beings everywhere be happy.

Embarking upon the white dog wavespell: loyalty, trust, and purity

Yes!
The sun is back- we are entering a powerful portal between yesterday's full moon lunar eclipse and Tuesday's solstice.

Purity. I feel I am no longer working from a sense of responsibility but from love.

"You work that you may keep peace with the earth and the soul of the earth. For to be idle is to become a stranger unto the seasons, and to step out of life's procession, that marches in majesty and proud submission towards the infinite." -kahlil gibran

I am a child of the sunlight, and under its spell I appreciate life. I wander around barefoot from goat teat to pitchfork, making the obligatory stop at the raspberry bushes, smelling the lavender, pulling roots and tucking the cucumbers into their beds of straw. How amazing, to sing songs and feel the energy of pachamama seeping into my being every day!
Yes.
Of course, as present and sweet-smelling life on the farm is right now, I feel that it has become this way because I know I am about to leave. I am full of fire right now, unable to stay in one place for too long, and I light up the most when I can sense the road approaching.
But otherwise....
I have been cooking every morning for the no-yo gardens community, and feel myself recently very drawn towards soup. Mildred, Adam, and I harvested two chickens the other day: cut off their heads with a machete, held them while the last life force left inside them danced around, let the blood drip out of their necks, scalded them in hot then cold water to pluck off all the feathers, then sliced them open and took out their organs. There were eggs all lined up inside the hen--- yolks the consistency of eyeballs with veiny red exteriors. After two years of being vegetarian, I harvested, made, cooked up, and ate fresh chicken soup!

I've also been getting into the wild medicines growing on the land: burdock root, dandelion and yellowdock are all great blood cleansers... and since many of us on the farm are healing (from staph, candida, and other bacteria), I've been harvesting up these wild plants for soups and decoctions. I feel that the reason I got staph was to inspire me to delve deeper into healing... learning what foods and plants are good for me, and sharing that knowledge with those around me. I am still working with the infection, and I thank it for being my teacher along my path as a healer.

Also, I've incorporated massage of hands and feet into my daily yoga/meditation/toning practice. Yay for pressure points and releasing blockages!

May all beings be in tune with their bliss and have the freedom to follow it.

Misty June Awakenings

Jose Arguelles (of Dreamspell) believes that history, the 5 thousand something year span which we are ending in the next year, is the galactic portal between two radiant realms of cyclical (non-linear) time, where all sensual delusions will disappear and we will interact on an energetic level as beings of radiant light.

During the 260 day Mayan calendar, there are certain periods of such galactic portals. We just exited a 10-day portal a few days ago. These times are super activated but also potentially delusional, periods of intense excitement which shield our highest selves but eventually allow us to get to the core of things.

For me personally, it's been a challenging period. I'm smearing manuka honey and garlic on my body to rid myself of a staph infection, and am looking outside the library window at a rainy day in the beginning of June. Fernando, my domestic sponsor and guru in Guatemala, used to tell me that soon all of coastal California will be underwater because of the shifting weather patterns, the rising tides. I feel that as I keep looking forward to sunlight and am greeted with more and more rain. What are we shifting into? What is next for this planet and this species' evolution? Transformation is necessary to move on from this realm of deceit and artifice, but how will this transformation come? What role does the rain play?

The rain does make it easier to tear fava beans out of beds and dig up the soil for our summer gardens: broccoli, tomatoes, cucumbers, potatoes, cabbages. I wake up every morning and squeeze goat teats. What a wonder! Fresh frothing milk pouring out of these sweet animals' udders! I am so close to production. I create my own food, my medicine. And my body feels the pain of work. My body is so thankful for the leafy greens and fresh eggs, but it also craves rest and affection. Periods of work and periods of bliss. Witnessing it all. I feel like I'm working through some karma right now--- addressing the hurt that I have brought upon myself and my body by living most of my life in metropolises without consciousness. I address this karma through mud, sore hands, and karma yoga. Selfless service to a homestead and my body's nutrition.

Feeling myself as an animal. A hunter, a lover, a runner, a dancer. And feeling myself as human-- my patience, my uncertainties, my pride, my consciousness. Riding the waves every day.