Wandering around the festival, I'm beckoned into the Spirit Dream tent, and sit down in a chair surrounded by three women lavishing my ears, eyes, and soul with praise and protection. "Where do you want to start?" "The color yellow," I respond, and soon every fiber of my being is filled up with yellow light, which becomes lighter and fuller until its white light, the Prince of Peace, Yeshua... truth and integrity filling me up. "How does it feel?" "Easy. Good. Safe." "Good. Just relax, just surrender, and allow this white light to bubble up within you." Yes, relax, surrender... and suddenly I'm singing. I'm banishing toxic build-up and foreign entities from my being. The process continues for over an hour until finally I lie down, filled with peace and... really?....yes...with... Jesus.
What does all this mean? I'm a bit scared but really open to the work that's happening within me. Discovering now that these upper psychic realms of consciousness are more complex than I had originally imagined. It's not a straight shot up towards God... once you become open to this psychic plane there are lots of different types of energies that beckon to you, that try convincing you that theirs is the one right way. How to trust and surrender while retaining sensitivity and boundaries?
My uncertainties about this experience put me in a state of confusion that left me wide open to both dark and light energies treading the battlefield of my higher consciousness. I had experienced such a deep surrender that I let all my boundaries drop, and all the confidence and independence that I've been cultivating on this solo journey was unexpectedly shattered-- leaving me an emotional wreck of solitude, self-pity, and fear of rejection. I felt all these emotions, cried and purged... and yet through it all I also maintained an attitude of witnessing, knowing that all the pain I was feeling was necessary for my healing journey.
Since then I've been especially attuned to the environments and people around me. Whereas for a while I was riding the high easy bliss waves, sharing my positive vibes with all beings... I find myself much warier now to make eye contact with everybody, to allow my protective bubble to be poked by needy, parasitical, or foreign energies. Confusion continuously arises, and I just stop, withdraw, and ask the Prince of Peace to guide me in the right direction. I feel like I'm withdrawing from the normal world to an ascetic extreme. Alcohol and pot are totally unappealing. The prince of peace craves only pure water, sunlight, and clarity.
How long will this last? I am afraid to give up that Dionysian energy forever, but am assured by my angels that this abstention will only lead to greater ecstasy. Or perhaps these evolutions will come in waves, rising and falling?
After Mystic, I spent a couple of magical days at Heart Lake in Mount Shasta, swimming, hiking at the top of the world and singing heartsongs with new friends. I asked Yeshua about my next step and was called to reconnect with family family, so I've journeyed down to Malibu to spend time with mom, dad, brothers, and the pacific ocean. The return reassures me that I'm on the right path, that I have learned a lot from the tribe, and that I have much wisdom to share with all those in Babylon.... but all in good time, slowly, softly.
We start the white wind wavecycle tomorrow: breath, spirit, the unseen, communication. Hopefully this energy will balance out Mercury going retrograde!
Riding the waves up and down and all around...
No comments:
Post a Comment