Beloved Kundalini Rising, Elegance Evolving, and the Bliss of Boundaries

Strangely disoriented after a weekend of ultimate bliss....

I find myself at a hot springs in the Sierras, about to embark on a 5 day contact improv festival. I woke up this morning at the happy buddha in mount shasta, got coffee at the stagedoor where I encountered an evolutionary astrologer. His look at my chart confirmed a lot that I already know-- (I am a soul worker--- healing souls through interface with the physical body, I learn most from embracing the unknown....)  and also reminded me of my tendency towards extremes- with my sun right on the aries/pisces cusp I contain both the very beginning and the very end of the evolutionary cycle.

Beloved (sacred arts and music festival in Oregon) was amazing... the unity of a single stage, bright neo-tribal beings dancing their souls to African energy, kirtan, sacred dub, gospel music, and more... friends from the divine playground in costa rica... sacred clowning... ease... magic chocolate.... the spirits of plants dancing amongst us and within us...

Beloved gave me the opportunity to delve deeper into my relationship with white light, yeshua, the prince of peace. One of my intentions before the festival was to explore "the elegance of boundaries." I had originally intended this to mean boundaries of physical intimacy, and my relationship with yeshua was certainly served by withholding mental and emotional energy from those matters. What I did not expect is that I was able to channel the sacred energy of the space to reach deep deep meditative states, which allowed for an exploration of the boundaries between the astral and the physical planes. Music and meditation brought me out of my body, transcending any physical needs (warmth, bladder).... and I would originally feel shocked and kind of disgusted to have to get back into my  physical body. But by listening in and taking these transitions slowly, I was able to wake up my body from the root on up, experiencing an ecstatic star magic zap sparkle kundalini awakening like I didn't know was possible. Instead of being my usual energetic and social self on the dance floor (enlightening everyone up), I used my shawl like a monk over my head and went into a cocoon to solo explore the snake's movement within me. And wow did it move me.

Tuning in exclusively to myself allowed me such deep communion with spirit and music... and yet now I come off of that to find myself surrounded by the opposite extreme... a contact improv festival in the  Sierras. Funny, how spirit works. How we flow through periods of absolute ease towards challenge and transformation (and these are the best times because they make us stronger!) When I first found contact improv it was so healing because I craved the unconditional loving touch and affection that it provided, but now I am less needy and enjoy it for other reasons... for the flying, the listening, the surrender. This week will be an exploration of how I can take the lessons I learned about dance at Beloved--- channeling energy on a solo journey--- and evolve them to suit this form of dance, which is all about engaging with an other(s). Must I release the boundaries I have worked to establish? How will these boundaries evolve?

I was at first hesitant to accept the Prince of Peace because I thought it meant renouncing other things (the hindu pantheon of deities, tarot cards, sex, witchy things). Beloved taught me that the white light is expansive, it does not live exclusively within Jesus but also within buddha and saraswati, dance and plants and chocolate... because it is not a thing, it is a state of awareness, and it is our attitude or addictions towards these things that can make them into barriers towards white light. I know that, of course, touch and love towards other humans are some of the dearest expressions of this white light, and I'm curious to use this festival space to explore that this week. Surrendering to the dance.

Life can seem so complicated, but always so simple when we bring it back, magnetically, effortlessly, to love.

Unexpected Transformations in the Mystic Playground

After fasting on water and herbal tea for three days on the farm outside Ashland, I adopted rejuvenation as the word of the hour and headed into town to make friends, dance, and journey up to Mystic Garden Gathering. Set up camp right next to magical Lake Selmac and found myself in heartbliss with an ever-expanding family of angels and musicians.

Wandering around the festival, I'm beckoned into the Spirit Dream tent, and sit down in a chair surrounded by three women lavishing my ears, eyes, and soul with praise and protection. "Where do you want to start?" "The color yellow," I respond, and soon every fiber of my being is filled up with yellow light, which becomes lighter and fuller until its white light, the Prince of Peace, Yeshua... truth and integrity filling me up. "How does it feel?" "Easy. Good. Safe." "Good. Just relax, just surrender, and allow this white light to bubble up within you." Yes, relax, surrender... and suddenly I'm singing. I'm banishing toxic build-up and foreign entities from my being. The process continues for over an hour until finally I lie down, filled with peace and... really?....yes...with... Jesus. 

What does all this mean? I'm a bit scared but really open to the work that's happening within me. Discovering now that these upper psychic realms of consciousness are more complex than I had originally imagined. It's not a straight shot up towards God... once you become open to this psychic plane there are lots of different types of energies that beckon to you, that try convincing you that theirs is the one right way. How to trust and surrender while retaining sensitivity and boundaries? 

My uncertainties about this experience put me in a state of confusion that left me wide open to both dark and light energies treading the battlefield of my higher consciousness. I had experienced such a deep surrender that I let all my boundaries drop, and all the confidence and independence that I've been cultivating on this solo journey was unexpectedly shattered-- leaving me an emotional wreck of solitude, self-pity, and fear of rejection. I felt all these emotions, cried and purged... and yet through it all I also maintained an attitude of witnessing, knowing that all the pain I was feeling was necessary for my healing journey.

Since then I've been especially attuned to the environments and people around me. Whereas for a while I was riding the high easy bliss waves, sharing my positive vibes with all beings... I find myself much warier now to make eye contact with everybody, to allow my protective bubble to be poked by needy, parasitical, or foreign energies. Confusion continuously arises, and I just stop, withdraw, and ask the Prince of Peace to guide me in the right direction. I feel like I'm withdrawing from the normal world to an ascetic extreme. Alcohol and pot are totally unappealing. The prince of peace craves only pure water, sunlight, and clarity.

How long will this last? I am afraid to give up that Dionysian energy forever, but am assured by my angels that this abstention will only lead to greater ecstasy. Or perhaps these evolutions will come in waves, rising and falling? 

After Mystic, I spent a couple of magical days at Heart Lake in Mount Shasta, swimming, hiking at the top of the world and singing heartsongs with new friends. I asked Yeshua about my next step and was called to reconnect with family family, so I've journeyed down to Malibu to spend time with mom, dad, brothers, and the pacific ocean. The return reassures me that I'm on the right path, that I have learned a lot from the tribe, and that I have much wisdom to share with all those in Babylon.... but all in good time, slowly, softly. 

We start the white wind wavecycle tomorrow: breath, spirit, the unseen, communication. Hopefully this energy will balance out Mercury going retrograde!

Riding the waves up and down and all around...