that feeling of being on a precipice and never knowing what is going to happen next is becoming more and more........... normal
in fact the precipice has lost its edges and flowered into mossy curvaliciousness. marigolds! roses! goats! kale! the flow feels safer (much!) than any commitment.
"So, where are you now?"
"I'm here, right now"
"Tribe, tribe, tribe." Hawaii tribe, west coast tribe, tribal dancing, musician tribe, healer tribe tribe tribe.
Right, so what does tribe mean?
Case 1: Rainbow Tribe.
YES! The national rainbow gathering in Washington invited querying (digging deeper deeper) into the meaning of this word, tribe. After hiking 4 miles into the gathering-- geared-up, sweating, and singing-- I collapsed at Dreem Reality/ Camp Aloha-- a camp of sunlight and precious vibes (Hawaii tribe, heartsong tribe). Set up camp, chowed down on almond butter and broccoli, and then wandered out into the great wide world of Rainbow.... wandering through the slush forest into the skunk cabbage meadows, onwards to the food circle of thousands gathered with their blisswear (so many variations on a bowl and spoon!). I found myself unable to maintain a connection with a single person for longer than a couple moments, distracted by the drums, beans, "loving you!", sunlight rippling...thousands of diverse rebellious energies colliding in one space...
I found myself overwhelmed. Searching for a calm spot, for some coffee (this isn't coffee, its MUD!!), for safety.
Lots of crust punks, anarchists, street kids. "Random pocket trade! random pocket trade!" I never took them up on it.
I found myself judgmental of people, attached to spirit or attached to substance? What is my rainbow love? How far does it extend. "Loving you, loving you!" a refrain that sometimes sounds super genuine and sometimes, eek, like a catcall...
On the fourth of july tradition holds that everyone is silent until dawn to noon, when they gather in the main meadow and hold hands for a giant om of prayer for worldwide love and peace.
Some respected the silence, many didn't. People were scattered eating donuts, dancing around the totem pole, asking for pocket trades. I felt disappointed, and found refuge in my inner silence.
I sat at a main thoroughfare and watched the diverse rainbows pass by.. some intent on their next destination, some involved in conversation with their friends, some involved in their own minds, and some who looked at me then looked away, and some who looked at me and returned my smile, even came over to hug, to talk.
When I hug my friend Deerheart, I see rainbow spirols of light spinning around us. He told me I'm not the only one.
And so I found myself spending most of my time at Aloha, the sweet camp tucked away at the back of rainbow where we take turns singing heartsongs all night around the fire, cultivating high vibrations.
And I found myself wondering how we can extend this safe yummy love outwards to all, or if there are some souls that will not rise up...?
A year ago I never would have imagined myself using words like this... judging that some humans are more evolved than others, wanting to initiate others onto my own path. I would have found this kind of talk elitist and weird and cultish.
But I see the members of this tribe creating their reality! Working hard to create beautiful surroundings, art, and abundance in harmony with pachamama and with their own soul path.
I got sick at rainbow with parasites and then with a cold, and so I took off on the 5th to a space of solitude and harmony, where my soul would not be so worried and prone to the multitude of different realities... back to the bubble. And what a perfect bubble I've found! Goats again, gardens, a farm house up in the southern oregon hills to rest my body and learn to play guitar! I love the feeling of calluses developing on my fingertips, and the feeling of discipline and work. Aho to the beginning of a long journey towards musicianship!
Because I belong in a tribe of musicians. Music is taming these wild impulses and appetites within us and transmuting them into love, elegance, beauty, expression. This is the path I walk. I am a baby on this path that requires discipline, surrender, flow, and of course, play.
I find sometimes fears arising... like, maybe Luna and Ian don't want me to stay on their land anymore... maybe I am overstaying my welcome, I need to work harder, maybe I should go somewhere I know is secure...
And of course these fears are ridiculous. I am loved and I return that love, so I will never lack a secure home. I have nothing to fear in this tribe.
I have no plans and I feel no precipice.... I feel calm, soothed and taming the guitar strings bit by bit... ready for what the universe offers up next.
And for now I like this bubble. Keeping safe and yummy and healthy. Keeping within what I feel is my tribe.
